EUROMANIA

‘Si-lent night! Ho-ly night!
All is calm! All is bright!’
At the top of her lungs, Vidoo shrieks her Passover carol.
‘Shut it, please,’ begs Geoff, trying to rest on Kojak the beanbag.

I struggle to close my overstuffed suitcase, brimming with lettuce. I sit on it, but then I cannot reach the zipper.
Vidoo leans on Kojak’s backside. ‘Say I stay here in Israel, and you party with Geoff in England.’
‘Say you come with us,’ I grunt, playing Twister with the belts.
‘But I want to stay here with Eddie!’
‘How about I’d rather not waste any more pregnancy kits on a little anorexic paranoid? You can’t stay here on your own.’
‘We’ll use protection.’
‘Not even arguing.’
‘You suck.’
‘That’s my job.’
Geoff squints at Vidoo. ‘Does protection actually fit on the ugg?’
‘Shut up, labia.’ She scales her affronts according to genitalia, on a scale of 1 – 10, starting at ‘vulva’ and topped with ‘frikkin fallopians’.

‘Didn’t you say you wanna see Rotem?’ I try, opening her drawer and piling wifebeaters.
‘Yes. But I don’t want to have Pesach in the UK. I don’t want Pesach at all.’
‘You’ll get to drink awfully good wine,’ notes Geoff. ‘Trust May to order the best.’
‘She can order it here.’
‘Why are we arguing? Vidoo, pack!’
She flings me the bird, but get down to packing.
'Good dog,' I say, stacking our personalized Haggadas. 'Geoff, lend a hand, will you?'

I'm running a Pesach program in the UK. Benny spotted the position and called me immediately. 'I found a way to ship you to Europe.' Europe = Rotem, currently. She's in Germany, which isn't far off. Hell, we used to run away to Hamburg back then.
I would've surprised her, kept this a secret, landed on her doorpost with a bouquet of jimsonweed. But she doesn't have a doorpost. Furthermore, she knows my agenda even before I'm aware of its existence.
Of course, within the next 24 I receive a call.
'Heard you're heading this way.'
'It's been so long since I nearly died there.'
Rotem laughs. 'I suggest we sit down at some metro station, loaded with crack, celebrating the good old days.'
'Girl, you need therapy!'
She chortles, and it is so bloody good to hear her wholesome voice.
Damn right we're going to Europe, Vidoo!

NOTE: since I'm gonna be mad busy the next coupla weex, you'd be getting the history of Vidoo's relationship, in a few installements. Merry Passover and a bright night!